Tuesday Night

Following on from my last post this is what I learnt last night at my parenting class. It was on apologies and co-operation.

Lisa had us imagine we had just started a new job, one we really wanted/liked. She had us list the do's and the don'ts of what we would like our new boss to do. E.g. DO be patient, explain the job, help me, let me learn my way etc... DON'T assume I know what I'm doing, take over etc... then we did another list for what we do and don't want our boss to do when we make a mistake. E.g. DON'T yell at me, belittle me, hold it against me etc.. DO gently tell me where I went wrong, show me how to fix it, check they taught it correctly to me in the first place etc... Well, I'm sure you could make a list in your imagination. Or on paper, go ahead... I'll wait...

When you look at what you have written it is just like a child's job description and what they would like us as their 'boss' to do/not do. It is a list to aspire to.

Also:
*When you have had a long day, be sure to take a moment perhaps in the car on the way home, to re-connect with the best part of yourself, so that you come home and be nice. Too often we are nicest to everyone else but our family yet they are the one's who we should be best with.
*Imagine Big Brother has a video camera in every room of your house and your parenting is being shown as a reality TV program. How would you parent differently?
*We treat our kids like we treat ourselves. If we are hard on ourselves when we make a mistake, we will be hard on our children.
*Go back and fix it. Usually we just don't, but we can always go back and fix it.
*You are setting the standard of your child's future parenting.
*An apology is a conversation not an announcement. You must give them the chance to say if they forgive you, it'll change the energy of the relationship/situation.
*Teach the difference between an apology and forgiveness.
*Don't insist on your little one's giving an apology too early. Sometimes you need time to cool down, so do they.
*Long hugs feel special.
*Model happy apologies. It should be a joy and they should feel good when they apologize (not like when we demand they give one).
*Make sure they hear the kindness in your voice.

Here is a poem that goes with something from last week when often our first question is a negative one instead of a How was your day? or Did you have fun?...

The Good Little Girl - By A. A. Milne

It'’s funny how often they say to me,
“Jane?"
“Have you been a good girl?"
“Have you been a good girl?"
And when they have said it, they say it again,
“Have you been a good girl?"
“Have you been a good girl?"

I go to a party, I go out to tea
I go to an aunt for a week at the sea
I come back from school or from playing a game;
Wherever I come from, it'’s always the same:
“Well?
Have you been a good girl, Jane?"

It's always the end of the loveliest day:
“Have you been a good girl?”
“Have you been a good girl?"
I went to the Zoo, and they waited to say:
“Have you been a good girl?
“Have you been a good girl?

Well, what did they think that I went there to do?
And why should I want to be bad at the Zoo?
And should I be likely to say if I had?
So that'’s why it'’s funny of Mummy and Dad,
This asking and asking, in case I was bad,
“Well?
Have you been a good girl, Jane?"

We've just come home from basketball and ten-pin bowling. The kids have never been before and they had fun. Daddy won, I think Emmy was second, Ammon third and Leah fourth. The kids used the ramp (a wonky one I thought). Ammon was quite taken with the video games too but boy the food was a rip-off. Oh well, a nice night and everyone is in bed now.