I am waiting for Caleb to wake up so thought I'd hop on here. Amazingly enough, the amount of times I have left him with Nate or Mum lately he hasn't needed a bottle - sleeps long enough and waits till I get home to feed. My good boy...
Tonights class was Avoiding Failure amongst other things.
* There is a cycle, when you've tried and tried and YOU FEEL LIKE GIVING UP - you retreat, or ignore or just say whatever and let it go - then your kids do the same, they see you do that and they then retreat, ignore you and say whatever - so you feel like what's the point and feel like giving up (round and round we go). Lisa said this is most common in an eldest child being raised by an eldest child because of the pressure they place on themselves and parent upon child to achieve and not fail. The answer is a) to set bite size goals they can't fail at and b) heaps of encouragement - remembering to praise the deed not the dude.
Example was a child learning to read. They tried to learn but found it too hard so gave up and kept 'forgetting' her book at school. Mum encouraged her by a) to get the book out of the bag again Mum offered to read the book the first week, b) reading all but the last page of the book the next week, c) alternating pages the third week, d) child reading it all the fourth week. Lots of encouragement at getting a word right, or the tone of their voice, expression, saying their favourite thing about the book etc....
* Tip for being patient: look through your child's eyes. You have had a lifetime of learning how to do something, they haven't.
* To be encouraging you have to be PRESENT, you can't be peeling potatoes or watching TV, you have to be there paying attention so you can honestly speak about something they did great.
* Quite often the first child is really good at most things, the second doesn't even want to try because they fear they might not be as good. We should give the second child the opportunity to be better than the oldest at something. E.g. if one does dancing, take the other to swimming. If possible take the younger one by themselves so it is THEIR thing and the older one can't go "That's easy, see" then promptly do it because they have learnt just by watching. Don't put them in the same sport or activity just because it is convenient for you to take them to one place instead of two.
* Don't bulldoze your child to do something even if you know they will love it. Walk side by side with them. It will help them to learn to have courage and to try things themselves. e.g if you bulldoze them they will grow up to be the one who walks in a room and stands by themselves because they don't know how to walk in and join a conversation. They will always need that push. They might need a few weeks just to observe before they are confident to join in, don't look at that as a waste of time, view it as part of the activity.
* If your child doesn't want to try something for fear they will be laughed at, arm them with some one-liners they can throw back at the laughing person. Respectful one-liners. If you have an adolescent girl who's body is going through changes she suggests the book "Real Gorgeous" by Kaz Cooke.
* Another book is "Queen Bees and Wannabes" by Rosalind Wiseman for helping your daughter survive cliques and gossip. I think I need to read this one for Emerson already. 7 years old and we deal with cliques - you can play with me today, no you can't play with me today... Lisa encourages us to make sure our child has one good friend. Foster that friendship by having playdates out of school. But important too to teach our kids to be their own leader.
* Teach them the skill of living with what they need not with what they can have (if your kids have too many clothes or toys) - I'm cleaning out their drawers tomorrow!
* Some children learn in different ways. Leah is a kinesthetic learner, she learns by doing. She can't keep still, always rocking on her chair or bouncing around. Kinesthetic learners need to move to stay connected and interested in what they are doing. To stop them is like turning off their brain. To help them keep focused on the job/homework give them bite size goals with an incentive when they are finished. e.g. Homework for 5 mins then you can come have this lovely big sandwich, then do a bit more. Make their homework fun, if they have to do counting do it with jumps on the trampoline, standing at the bench instead of sitting, throwing popcorn into a bowl after each page read....
* When you're given power you don't have to fight for it. Always give choices (realistic one's, not like you can eat that or go to bed but you can eat this or this). How can we both be happy?
* Often when we are hurt we show it with anger. Anger is on the surface, show understanding to get to what's underneath. Finish it with love.
* Book: The family virtues guide: A simple way to bring out the best in our children and ourselves by Linda Kavelin Popov.
Here's a pic we took on Sunday.
Tonights class was Avoiding Failure amongst other things.
* There is a cycle, when you've tried and tried and YOU FEEL LIKE GIVING UP - you retreat, or ignore or just say whatever and let it go - then your kids do the same, they see you do that and they then retreat, ignore you and say whatever - so you feel like what's the point and feel like giving up (round and round we go). Lisa said this is most common in an eldest child being raised by an eldest child because of the pressure they place on themselves and parent upon child to achieve and not fail. The answer is a) to set bite size goals they can't fail at and b) heaps of encouragement - remembering to praise the deed not the dude.
Example was a child learning to read. They tried to learn but found it too hard so gave up and kept 'forgetting' her book at school. Mum encouraged her by a) to get the book out of the bag again Mum offered to read the book the first week, b) reading all but the last page of the book the next week, c) alternating pages the third week, d) child reading it all the fourth week. Lots of encouragement at getting a word right, or the tone of their voice, expression, saying their favourite thing about the book etc....
* Tip for being patient: look through your child's eyes. You have had a lifetime of learning how to do something, they haven't.
* To be encouraging you have to be PRESENT, you can't be peeling potatoes or watching TV, you have to be there paying attention so you can honestly speak about something they did great.
* Quite often the first child is really good at most things, the second doesn't even want to try because they fear they might not be as good. We should give the second child the opportunity to be better than the oldest at something. E.g. if one does dancing, take the other to swimming. If possible take the younger one by themselves so it is THEIR thing and the older one can't go "That's easy, see" then promptly do it because they have learnt just by watching. Don't put them in the same sport or activity just because it is convenient for you to take them to one place instead of two.
* Don't bulldoze your child to do something even if you know they will love it. Walk side by side with them. It will help them to learn to have courage and to try things themselves. e.g if you bulldoze them they will grow up to be the one who walks in a room and stands by themselves because they don't know how to walk in and join a conversation. They will always need that push. They might need a few weeks just to observe before they are confident to join in, don't look at that as a waste of time, view it as part of the activity.
* If your child doesn't want to try something for fear they will be laughed at, arm them with some one-liners they can throw back at the laughing person. Respectful one-liners. If you have an adolescent girl who's body is going through changes she suggests the book "Real Gorgeous" by Kaz Cooke.
* Another book is "Queen Bees and Wannabes" by Rosalind Wiseman for helping your daughter survive cliques and gossip. I think I need to read this one for Emerson already. 7 years old and we deal with cliques - you can play with me today, no you can't play with me today... Lisa encourages us to make sure our child has one good friend. Foster that friendship by having playdates out of school. But important too to teach our kids to be their own leader.
* Teach them the skill of living with what they need not with what they can have (if your kids have too many clothes or toys) - I'm cleaning out their drawers tomorrow!
* Some children learn in different ways. Leah is a kinesthetic learner, she learns by doing. She can't keep still, always rocking on her chair or bouncing around. Kinesthetic learners need to move to stay connected and interested in what they are doing. To stop them is like turning off their brain. To help them keep focused on the job/homework give them bite size goals with an incentive when they are finished. e.g. Homework for 5 mins then you can come have this lovely big sandwich, then do a bit more. Make their homework fun, if they have to do counting do it with jumps on the trampoline, standing at the bench instead of sitting, throwing popcorn into a bowl after each page read....
* When you're given power you don't have to fight for it. Always give choices (realistic one's, not like you can eat that or go to bed but you can eat this or this). How can we both be happy?
* Often when we are hurt we show it with anger. Anger is on the surface, show understanding to get to what's underneath. Finish it with love.
* Book: The family virtues guide: A simple way to bring out the best in our children and ourselves by Linda Kavelin Popov.
Here's a pic we took on Sunday.
2 comments:
I'm loving all this advice, and your family photo is gorgeous. I cleaned out the girls drawers the other day, so be prepared for a FULL LARGE pink clothing bag to come your way. I'll give it to Dad on Friday.
I'm going to see if our library has that family virtues guide, and also the Queen Bees and Wannabes.
There's so much in this. I will have to read it 3 or 4 times to get it into my head enough for me to do it.
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